Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
