he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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