I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
