dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
