Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
