Who wears a wallet chain?!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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