Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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