I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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