I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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