i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
