Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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