I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
