eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Found your dick twin last night
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
