I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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