just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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