It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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