Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
