Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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