worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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