I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
