I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
