oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
