we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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