Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
