So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
