Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
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