Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize