Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
