i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
