Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
