That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
