I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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