It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
