Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
