I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Terrible idea I love it
I would ride that face into the sunset
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
