Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
