you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
