I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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