There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You can't motorboat a personality
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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