my mouth tastes like poor choices
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
