He is an equal opportunity slut.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
