My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
