I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
