I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
