just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
