so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
