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You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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