I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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