Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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