Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
