I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
