Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
