Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
