Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize