When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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