Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
