he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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