i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
