marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
