I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
