I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
