Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
