he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
