I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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