I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize