I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
