I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my sisters under your porch take her home
ugly people sure do ruin things
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
