i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i believe in u and ur pee
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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