Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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