we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
