So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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