it wasn't lemon gatorade
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
