People with herpes should wear stickers.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Help. Why am I so naked?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
