Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
