I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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