i may or may not be watching the land before time
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
