once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Holy sore nipples Batman
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
