I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
