you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
