Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
