The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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