I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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