I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
