Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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