Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
