That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
