Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
