where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
