hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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