dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
