Having a random hookup so left but love u
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
