I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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