ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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