I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
