some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
