Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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