What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
