trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
