I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
