Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
