matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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