Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
