we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
