god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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