I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I believe in your delicious
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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