just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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