??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize